Slapstick Goblins

When the house gets dirty, we dogs often get the blame. This is unfair. We do bring in mud, shed hair and have the occasional ‘accident’, but we’re not responsible for all the mess. A large part of it is down to a tribe of goblins called the Slapstyx, whose mission in life is to fill human homes with dirt.

The Slapstyx look like a cross between humans and insects, and smell like old bin juice. They swarm into the house at night, armed with special tools for distributing dirt – spray cans for spraying cobwebs in corners, pumps for puffing sticky dust onto skirting boards, brushes for painting drink rings on tables and spatulas for plastering mud onto carpets. They skitter through the bathroom putting tide marks in the bath, skid marks in the toilet and all kinds of grime and slime in the sink. They scuttle around the kitchen, gluing bits of old food on every surface. They slink into the bedroom with tubes of quick-drying egg and squeeze it onto suits and ties. When you try to chase them away, they disappear with a high-pitched giggle, only to reappear somewhere else.

Pearl did manage to catch one once. She tried to eat him, but he had too many limbs and she couldn’t get him down; half his legs were hanging out of her mouth. In the end she had to spit him out. He got his revenge by decorating the kitchen with dog do so we got the blame in the morning.

So next time you’re cleaning up mud or poop or those little balls of dog hair, remember it’s not all down to us. You might just have had a Slapstyx makeover.Slapstyx goblin


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30 Responses to Slapstick Goblins

  1. Ann Koplow says:

    This explains A LOT. Thank you.


  2. I think I saw one in the corner of the bathroom today…


  3. Yes, they’re everywhere – they don’t discriminate. No home is safe!


  4. natswans says:

    Ah nice one , I have a few of those here…great!


  5. It is so good to finally have a name to put to those little devils. They really are quite demonic creatures. A timely post as well–fits in wonderfully with the rest of the little beasts and banshees wandering about at this time.


  6. So that’s it, Millie. Here I’ve been blaming teenagers the whole time, who’ve consistently denied it was them. I owe my girls an apology.
    My Jack Russell, Timothy, does dream running, and dream barking too, but it’s muffled, as if he’s got a bone in his mouth.


  7. The Slapstyx make more mess than teenagers and dogs put together. Sadly, it’s the humans who have to clean up after them.


  8. hahahah! Excellent post 🙂


  9. Reblogged this on Annabelle Franklin, Author: Messages from Millie and commented:

    I am very kindly letting Annabelle reblog my Halloween post, as she has just published her book about the Slapstyx and it’s free to download until Monday. I hope she’s grateful – I wasn’t exactly eager to revisit the hideous experience of watching Pearl try to eat that goblin.


  10. Meredith says:

    I’m hiding this post from Nick and Lucy. They have been leaving a little surprise for the last 2 mornings. They won’t go out in bad weather.
    I got your Slapstyx book. I’ll be reading it tonight! Thanks for the heads up. xo


  11. Millie and Pearl don’t like bad weather, either – and yes, they do have the occasional ‘accident’.
    Thank you so much for downloading the book – I hope you enjoy it 🙂


  12. Ellen Hawley says:

    And here my dog was blaming the cats.


  13. Yes, it’s high time these goblins were exposed – for the sake of cats and dogs everywhere.


  14. Love it! Thank you. Great to finally understand I have them in plague proportions!


  15. We know the feeling – it’s a losing battle! Thanks for visiting 🙂


  16. jjspina says:

    Love the post – so clever and funny. Now I know what happened to my house. Lol! Thanks for the like and visit to my blog. I will follow yours.


  17. Thank you! We’re following you, too – you’re doing great things to get kids reading. 🙂


  18. Pingback: Dirty Dotty | Annabelle Franklin, Author: Messages from Millie

  19. Ah ha! So that’s their name! Thanks, Millie! I always suspected they existed!!


  20. Galit Balli says:

    lol, omg love the post 🙂


  21. tj6james6 says:

    I think I have a gaggle of them living here! Most especially in the kitchen sink since it can never remain empty for long enough to even know the dishes have ever been done 😦 !


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