The Heartbreaker

Milton Spilk was an Extreme Romantic Hero. His hair was so black it had actually turned into a black hole and sucked out his brain, his eyes were so intensely electric blue they burned holes in everything they looked at, his jaw was so chiselled it could cut steel at twenty paces and his chin was so huge he had to wheel it about in a shopping cart.

All the women wanted to marry him, but he wasn’t interested in marriage. He just wanted to have fun with movie stars and supermodels. His mousy little secretary Dimity Jones was madly in love with him, even though he treated her like dirt. She lived in hope that one day he would see her true worth, just like in the romantic novels.

‘I wish he’d ask me out,’ she sobbed on her girlfriends’ shoulders.

‘Even if he did, it wouldn’t last more than a night,’ they said. ‘Don’t waste your tears on him, he’s a player.’

Then one day something wonderful happened. When Dimity brought Milton his morning coffee, he looked at her with new eyes. They were still intensely electric blue, but he was wearing magic glasses with built-in fireguards so they wouldn’t burn holes in stuff anymore. The magic glasses were also capable of seeing the true worth of mousy secretaries, and he got down on one knee there and then and asked her to marry him.

‘Yes!’ she breathed ecstatically.

On the day of the wedding, Dimity’s girlfriends transformed her from a mousy secretary into a golden princess with blonde hair and a huge bottom. As she walked down the aisle she shone like a million suns, and Milton’s heart melted at the sight of her. Unfortunately, his magic glasses melted as well, and he could no longer see her true worth. He left her on the second day of the honeymoon.

Her girlfriends came to meet her off the plane and found her sobbing in the airport.

‘What did we tell you?’ they said. ‘It’s no good crying over Milt Spilk!’

Andi in a Hovis

 

 

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Pearl’s Power Trip

Pearl claims she’s the alpha bitch around here, but she has some odd ideas about what this entails. The alpha is supposed to look after the pack, but Pearl is only interested in looking after Number One and throwing her weight around.

Pearl's ass

KISS THAT!

For instance, there’s the job of guarding the house – a demanding job that requires a lot of time and energy. Although I’m getting on in years, Pearl leaves this exhausting task to me. As well as warning off intruders during the day, I have to make sure the house stays safe through the night while we’re all asleep indoors. This involves evening sentry duty – a half-hour stint of barking to let everyone in the area know the place is well guarded.

The only person Pearl guards the house against is me. She seems to think my place is outside – all the time. She doesn’t bark at me – Annabelle would put a stop to that – she just stands at the door, sneakily vibing me out with smellepathic signals.

Pearl on guard

Don’t get me wrong, I enjoy being outside, especially when spring comes and the world warms up. The air is full of birdsong and interesting new smells. There’s a spot in the front garden that’s perfect for sunbathing and I love to lie there and watch the world go by.

Millie in garden 3

But there are disadvantages to being outdoors, like wind and rain and bird poo. A lot of birds nest in the conifers near my spot – and while I enjoy the music that comes from their beaks, I don’t appreciate what comes out the other end.

Collar dove 1

Recently, the birds have been using my spot as a toilet. I ‘ve noticed a lot more poo than usual – thick, black, rubbery blobs that stick to my fur and paws. I didn’t think birds ate liquorice, but looking at their poo lately I might have to think again.

Bird's ass

KISS THAT!

Much as I love the great outdoors, there are times when I need to be inside on a clean, soft bed or a comfy chair. Alpha or no, Pearl needs to remember that I was here first, and as an old lady I deserve respect and consideration.

Alpha is not about being a bully.

NB – Human readers may think I have a fixation on bottoms, but this is normal for a dog. You can learn a lot about someone by sniffing their bottom. Try it sometime – you could save yourselves a lot of grief at the hands of con artists. The face might be telling porkies, but the bottom can’t lie.

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Annabelle on Writer’s Block

Writing is like pulling teeth at the moment and it’s driving me mad.

Full page veg

These creatures may eventually feature in a book.

Carrot

I’m not just trying to put off doing some actual writing. Honest.

Potato

Every first draft is mostly crap.

Parsnip

These pages will be worth a lot of money when I’m famous.

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Job Description – The Writer’s Pet #MondayBlogs #Writer #WritersLife

An amusing post from lovely Lucy of Blondewritemore on the skills and qualities needed for the important role of Writer’s Pet. We storyhounds work so hard!
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BlondeWriteMore

On those dark and gloomy days when it feels like the world has turned away from our work, we can always rely on our pets to make us smile again.

Pets play an important role in the life of a writer.So, I have given some thought to the job description for a writer’s pet. Here goes:

Vacancy For A Writer’s Pet.

About The Role:

Animal needed to provide long-term emotional and creative support to a writer.

Hours:

Can vary each week. Dependent upon a number of factors:

  • The writer’s feelings towards their work.
  • The writer’s procrastination levels.
  • The amount of emotional support a writer gets from a human loved one. If they don’t get enough emotional support the pet will have to step in and do overtime.

Location:

This is a live in role with the writer.

Key Duties /Responsibilities:

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Review – Judy: A Dog in a Million – Damien Lewis – Military History, WWII, Animals

We’re suckers for a good dog story, and this one looks promising! (Please comment on the original post.)

Library of Erana

Review- Judy: A Dog in A Million

Damien Lewis

5 stars

https://www.amazon.co.uk/Judy-Million-Runaway-Worlds-Heroic-ebook/dp/B00HVBK15U/

The impossibly moving story of how Judy, World War Two’s only animal POW, brought hope in the midst of hell.

Judy, a beautiful liver and white English pointer, and the only animal POW of WWII, truly was a dog in a million, cherished and adored by the British, Australian, American and other Allied servicemen who fought to survive alongside her.

Viewed largely as human by those who shared her extraordinary life, Judy’s uncanny ability to sense danger, matched with her quick-thinking and impossible daring saved countless lives. She was a close companion to men who became like a family to her, sharing in both the tragedies and joys they faced. It was in recognition of the extraordinary friendship and protection she offered amidst the unforgiving and savage environment of a Japanese prison camp in Indonesia that she gained…

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A Highly Literate Lurcher

I’ve been blaming Annabelle for not posting so much about my adventures, but it isn’t all her fault. Now I’m getting older, I don’t have so many adventures – and I certainly can’t be chasing boys anymore!

five-pointy-dogs-closer

However, there are advantages to getting older. I’m an accomplished traveller in Storyland now, and I’ve learned to read books all by myself. Yes, I know I’m a dog, and you don’t believe dogs can read. Wrong! There was a show on TV just the other night about a dog with an IQ of 142 who is going to University. Dogs are evolving, just like humans.

This blog is evolving, too. I’ll still write about Pearl’s and my adventures when we have them, but there will also be posts on books and writing. To reflect this, the name of the blog will be changing to The Literate Lurcher.*

Because that’s what I am now. A highly literate Lurcher, and loving it.

Literary Lurcher

Hope you love it too!

*If Annabelle can work out how to do it. Any advice will be welcome in the comments!

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Angry Annabelle on Advertising

Once again my Yahoo inbox is behaving badly, in spite of me having a new computer. Must be something about March…

The Literate Lurcher

Sorry, but I just gotta rant! Sorry, but I just gotta rant!

Is anyone else sick and tired of adverts in their inbox slowing down the typing of emails?

This morning I had to wait several minutes just so I could be shown an animation of a pink fireman with a pink hose (surely a deliberate subliminal) spraying pink goop on a stomach full of Exorcist-green puke. While this delightful vision was uploading I couldn’t type a word. This kind of advertising doesn’t induce me to purchase the stuff being shown, it just makes me angry and stressed.

Then again, maybe the idea is to give you indigestion so you’ll buy Gaviscon (other brands of pink goop are available).

Image foundhere

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Half Price Books!

Millie reads SlapstyxI’m sorry I haven’t been around much lately, but Pearl and I have been very busy in Storyland, collecting ideas for the second book of Annabelle’s new Bad Boy Wizard series. She plans to release the first and second volumes together when they’re both finished.

In the meantime, you can get Annabelle’s current books at a discounted price of $1.50 each from Smashwords as part of their Read an Ebook Week promotion. Just click Gateway to Magic or The Slapstyx and enter the code RAE50 at the checkout.

Here are some nice things people have said about Annabelle’s books:

“Gateway to Magic by Annabelle Franklin was a cute, quick read with some valuable lessons within. I shared this book with my little ones, who absolutely loved it. From their point of view it was ‘awesome’. The author did a wonderful job of painting the scenes, making things very easy to visualise, most especially the Forest of Pointy Fingers! I love it when authors bring a story to life by word-painting, and Franklin doesn’t disappoint! Franklin’s Gateway to Magic is perfectly tailored to its target audience, as my brood can well attest. They all loved it, and we’ll be reading it again for sure!” – J. Aislynn d’Merrickson for Readers’ Favorite

“A wonderful second book by a children’s author adept at creating worlds that children and adults alike cannot resist stepping into. My grandchildren were as enthralled by The Slapstyx as they were by Annabelle Franklin’s first book Gateway to Magic. Bedtime was a magical and shared experience, as ‘one more page’ became several more pages. Everyone loves a good fight between good and evil and this is one of the best. A sublime story that will find a spot on the shelves of every child (no matter what age) who loves really good books.” – Karen Watkins, Amazon reader

 

 

 

 

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Donate a Book to a Worthwhile Cause #MARCHingBookstoKids #PBPiO

pbpio-badge11We are delighted to be donating a book to the Visiting Nurse Services of Iowa Storybook Project. This March, a signed copy of ‘The Slapstyx’ will be winging its way across the pond for parents (and grandparents) in prison to read to their children.

Want to join in?  You don’t need to have written a book – all children’s books are welcome as long as they’re in good condition.

Visit author Michelle Eastman’s page for details – and while you’re there, you might like to check out her tales of the Dust Fairies. We suspect they could be distant relatives of the Slapstyx dirt-goblins!

 

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Top Ten Dog Training Mistakes – Guest post by Blogger Kevin Davies…

At last! Some commonsense dog training tips!

Chris The Story Reading Ape's Blog

dog-training

For all the wonders of owning a dog, they do come complete with quite a few nasty habits. From trying to eat the cat to urinating on the carpet, an untrained dog can be quite a handful indeed.

The good news is that just about any dog can be trained. The only problem is that it’s not something that can be done overnight. It’s something that takes time, effort, and above all, quite a bit of patience.

Should you be considering undertaking the challenge of turning a wild hound into a loving pet, an excellent place to start is learning what not to do. Here are ten mistakes that can make training a dog far more difficult than it needs to be.

Being Inconsistent

Consistency is key if you want to properly train your dog. It’s important to decide early on where your dog is and isn’t allowed to…

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