Keep Your Paws Off My Man!

Pearl keeps enticing Snip into the bushes when we’re out together. It’s always the same pathetic ploy: ‘Oh Snip, I can hear a scary noise!’ – the ‘scary noise’ being nothing more dangerous than some harmless child at play – but Snip falls for it every time. He distracts Pearl from her ‘fear’ by finding a rabbit for them both to chase, and it pains me to realise I can’t keep up with them.

I know I’m not as fast as I used to be. As Pearl keeps pointing out, I’m nearly 12 and Snip is only two and a half. She says our relationship is wrong – but that’s human thinking. Humans worry about age differences and think ‘old’ means unattractive and past it. They have to think like that because they haven’t got fur to cover up their lines and wrinkles. My fur is still beautiful – dammit, I’m still hot! – and Snip isn’t so shallow as to go off me because my physical strength is waning.

As I’ve explained before, we dogs spend a lot of time on the astral planes, where there’s no such thing as ‘old’. People – and animals – can share a closeness that just isn’t possible in the dense physical world. We often meet up with Snip there, and I have no trouble keeping up with him as we race through the astral landscape. When Snip and I dreamwalk together we’re in perfect accord and we’ve enjoyed many happy zoomies through Fairyland. My astral body can move at whatever speed I wish, and because I’ve had longer than Pearl to master astral skills, I can leave her standing.

I’m also better at the art of camouflage, which is vital in Fairyland, where there are far worse dangers than noisy children. You wouldn’t find me being kidnapped by goblins, like Pearl was last year. It was only thanks to my excellent camouflage skills that I managed to stay hidden from the kidnappers and rescue her.

 

Considering how many times I’ve got Pearl out of astral trouble, I think it’s mean of her to rub my nose in my physical failings. And it’s VERY mean of her to try and steal my man.

(NB – image of hound leaving its body found on Facebook, source unknown)