Have you ever wondered why you can go to bed with perfectly tidy hair and yet wake up in the morning looking like you’ve swapped heads with Worzel Gummidge? Maybe you thought it was down to tossing and turning in your sleep. But look again. Can mere tossing and turning really explain such a hideous mess?
Of course not. The real cause is much more sinister. You’ve been a victim of THE GOBLIN HAIRDRESSER.
This loathsome creature sneaks into your home at night armed with an array of instruments designed to ruin your day from the outset. While you sleep, he washes your hair in cat pee and conditions it with slug slime. Then he splits every single end with his supernaturally sharp scissors. Then he dries it with a hairdryer that belts out 1000 degrees. Then he crimps and tongs it into a ludicrous construction of bulges, kinks and spikes, before backcombing it into an explosion of frizz. Finally, he smothers it in hairspray that sets like cement, ensuring you’ll waste several fruitless hours struggling to restore it to sanity…
…and he always does it the night before your have to be somewhere important, with tidy hair, first thing in the morning.
So next time you have a bad hair day, you’ll know who to blame.