Trump

Sorry to disappoint you, but this post isn’t about that guy with the funny hair who’s such a sore subject with people at the moment. Today I want to focus on something that’s a sore subject with us dogs.

Yes, folks, this post is about farts. Or ‘trumps’, as they are sometimes known here in the UK.

OMG, who dropped that one?

OMG, who dropped that one?

Annabelle has a friend – let’s call him Robert – who is a maestro of the top-volume trouser cough. When he breaks wind, his backside applauds its own performance with gleeful ferocity – and we dogs love him for it. Why? Because there’s no way his monster guffs can be blamed on anyone else. His farts are honest – they hold up their hands and say, ‘We came from Robert’s bottom.’

In other words, they can’t be blamed on the DOG.

We dogs get very tired of being blamed for human trumps. I’ll admit we’re notorious for noxious gas, but humans can be just as bad. They blame their silent-but-deadlies on us without the slightest twinge of conscience, knowing full well we won’t deny it.

Pearl isn’t bothered by this outrageous injustice – she’s proud of her farts and more than happy to claim responsibility for other people’s.

Pearl's ass

She’s even been known to produce audible emissions – unusual in a dog – and when she slips out an SBD you’d think a lower astral entity had dropped by for a visit.

But I like to think of myself as a creature of refinement who isn’t in the habit of doing such things. I’m a literary Lurcher, an animal of keen intellect and highly advanced spiritual awareness; I exist far beyond the lower planes where intestinal gas has its dwelling place. It’s bad enough when I occasionally let one go and everyone cries ‘Oh, Millie!‘ and flaps their hands in disgust, but to have them do it when I’m innocent of the crime is totally unacceptable.

A nasty case of wind

A nasty case of wind

So please, humans, stop blaming your dogs for your own filthy habits. It’s dishonest and unfair, and we simply don’t deserve it. One of these days a dog is going to say ‘It wasn’t me!’ and give you the shock of your lives.

Storm image found here

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34 Responses to Trump

  1. Carrie Rubin says:

    Haha, thanks for a great laugh. And how fitting that a ‘trump’ means a fart, considering how much of a blowhole Donald Trump is!

    Liked by 3 people

  2. Meagan says:

    Yeah what Carrie said. LOL

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Well Millie, there is no mistaking it when my girl, Celine drops a trump. It has a very discernible doggy pungency. It’s true though that dogs rarely expel an audible one. It’s funny to watch their reaction when they do though.

    Liked by 1 person

  4. Yes, I’ve seen that surprised look as they crane their necks in search of the source of an anal raspberry – it’s like they’re saying, ‘Did that really come from my bottom?’ But Pearl knows full well what she’s doing. Her favourite trick is to go into a play bow and blow off in my face when I’m standing right behind her.

    Like

  5. LOL! Good one, Millie! (*•̀ᴗ•́*)و ̑̑

    Liked by 1 person

  6. Thank you! This subject is a big part of doggy life and sometimes it just needs airing – like the room after Pearl has dropped one of her Century Egg Specials!

    Liked by 1 person

  7. Oh Millie! This is one of your best–Everyone here of the four-footed variety applauds your courage in bringing this very sensitive subject to light- though Hubble says Jack Henry can empty a room faster than you can say “Jack Rabbit” 🙂 As for Hubble, he says he is too little for his “trumps” to count–but that is just his word on the subject 😉

    Like

  8. I’m sorry to say this, Hubble, but quite often it’s the smallest dogs who produce the biggest whiffs – though Pearl’s are pretty hard to beat!

    Like

  9. moonskittles says:

    Smiling big!! 🙂
    ~ Dajena

    Like

  10. That’s the great thing about trumps (or donalds, as we call them now) – at least you can laugh at them! Every cloud has a silver lining… 😉

    Like

  11. josiahrosenbergerauthor says:

    I actually have a habit of announcing every time I pass gas to my wife… Somehow it makes me feel better just to admit it than to have her discover the smell on her own. But yesterday she asked me when I was going to stop announcing it.

    Sorry. TMI.

    Haha.

    PS – I don’t think my cat farts regularly, but he does poop on the floor sometimes. Pets are great at being their authentic selves.

    Like

  12. LOL! We love an honest trumper! 😀

    Like

  13. I just learned a new word! lol

    Liked by 1 person

  14. Reblogged this on A Good Blog is Hard to Find and commented:
    This was a fun read and I learned a new word! Check Annabelle’s blog out and also her book The Slapstyx! -OM
    Note: Comments disabled here. Please visit their blog.

    Liked by 1 person

  15. swo8 says:

    Hilarious! I didn’t know that was the meaning of the word Trump. (Do you think he knows?) FBL (full belly laugh)
    Leslie

    Liked by 1 person

  16. mini2z says:

    My Ranger has SBD’s and learned a new meaning for a scary word! (And I’m in Canada)

    Liked by 1 person

  17. Finding the humour in something scary is a great de-stressor!

    Like

  18. trump = an expulsion of warm gas that is repulsive. Trump = same thing.

    Liked by 1 person

  19. Ha, ha! I love it when people’s names describe what they are 😀

    Like

  20. cindy knoke says:

    Honestly, the two sorts of Trumps, the ones in the UK and the one is the US, are not much different at all.
    Sorry, I couldn’t stop myself. 😉

    Liked by 1 person

  21. Reblogged this on Annabelle Franklin, Author: Messages from Millie and commented:

    Had to reblog this today. Sometimes humour is the only answer to a crazy world.

    Like

  22. jjspina says:

    Too funny for words! Trump is our next president but I will always remember this when he speaks. We as Americans have to support him but this gives some levity to that fact. Thanks for the humor, Annabelle!

    I had three dogs and a cat (not all at the same time) just a cat and dog at one time and then two dogs at another time. The dogs were the worst for trumps. They knew when they were guilty and would slink out of the room as I rushed for some air freshener. Phew! They always had the last laugh! LOL!

    Liked by 1 person

  23. Ha ha! Unlike your dogs, Pearl has no shame – she fronts out her silent-but-violents with a sort of ‘so what?’ expression. 😀

    Like

  24. natswans says:

    HA HA ! what a hoot , thanks for the laugh Annabelle.

    Liked by 1 person

  25. ellenbest24 says:

    Brilliant and trust the Bloggers from the uk to get down and dirty with body functions at the first opportunity. Well done a scream.

    Liked by 1 person

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