Millie Investigates Goblin Tech

I’m not sleeping – I’m dreamwalking

For some months now, the dirt levels in our house have been escalating. It started shortly after builders renovated the house we believed to be Slapstyx HQ, so I took a dreamwalk to the goblins’ dimension to investigate. Sure enough, the grubby little pests have moved everything – headquarters, laboratories and training school – over here. We’re not sure why they’ve picked on our house – it could be revenge for us ‘outing’ them – but it looks like they’re here to stay.

This has enabled me to study the Slapstyx phenomenon more closely. You wouldn’t believe what goes on in those laboratories of theirs (if you’re eating right now, I’d advise you to read something else). At night I’ve watched them feed dust, cobwebs, hairs, slug trails and insect corpses into a machine that mixes all the ingredients together and spits them out in little clusters. Teams of goblins teleport to this dimension and stick the clusters all over the house, attaching them to every available surface. They’ve also devised a way of continuing their wicked work in the daytime  – they’ve built mini robots that look like flies, spiders, cockroaches, slugs and snails, which operate right under human noses, spreading dirt around the clock. These tireless little mechanisms will mess up your house much faster than you can clean it, and you will run out of energy long before they do.

You may be thinking this is all hogwash, an excuse for the mess we dogs make ourselves. You may be looking around your beautiful clean home and telling yourself there are no such things as goblins, a dirty house is down to a lazy owner. But be warned: the Slapstyx are planning to roll out this technology to homes all over the planet.

No house is safe – not even yours.